Ankara'nin Kalesi

I'm going to try to write quickly today, before I pass out from utter exhaustion. The subconscious stress of learning a new language seems to be hitting me now that the initial adrenaline rush of being in Turkey has subsided. I would have liked to spend more time with my host family this evening, but it looks like I'll be asleep before ten thirty.

We skipped our morning classes today to head up to the Ankara castle, located on a hill on the edge of the city. The castle itself is surrounded by a small village (where people still live today) that has developed over a long period of history. As we walked in, we could see the remnants of old Greek, Roman, and Byzantine stones used to make up the walls of many of the buildings. It was a wonderful example of Turkey's position at "the crossroads of civilization."

The old castle, which is at the top of the hill, offers amazing panoramic views of the city; we hung out there for a while to take pictures and enjoy the still-cool morning breeze. I would have liked to climb up to the highest walls of the ruins, but my vertigo kicked in at the last moment and I had to stop myself before I lost all feeling in my legs. I still managed to take some nice pictures, though, and without falling down a cliff.

We continued back down the hill, stopping in various shops and looking around the houses of the people living in the village. After getting some tea and gozleme in a small cafe lined with Turkish rugs and fabrics, we explored the spice and dried fruit market. That was followed by a brief tour through a more conservative market, where covered women were buying clothing and household goods from locals shouting out their prices alonside simit (sesame seed roll) vendors. Our last stop was the fresh produce market, where I fawned over displays of tomatoes, eggplants, cucumbers, and Turkish delight while trying to remind myself that I was still full from lunch.

It was extremely difficult to concentrate in class once we got back to the TAA, and I've been pretty out of it for most of the day since then. I'll post some more pictures on facebook once I get the chance, hopefully before our trip to Cappadocia on Thursday.

I finally made my own breakfast today! and I helped with the dishes after dinner. My host family is starting to get comfortable with me helping around the house; they're viewing me as less of a guest, and it's exciting. It's not that I won't still appreciate getting my laundry washed and folded for me, but this is a nice change. Even while writing this post, I got up to get my own tea while my host mom stayed seated in the living room.

Our class dragged on pretty long this afternoon, and I was happy to be able to get some fresh air around Ankrara afterward. The weather had improved considerably and I sat in a local park for a while with friends from my progam before walking down one of the main shopping streets with two of the girls, checking out some of the sales. It was, thankfully, a relaxing experience.

When we finished, I started off on my own towards the apartment, taking my time and letting my sense of direction guide me rather than following the main streets I would otherwise take. I saw a slightly different part of the city - locals walking their children home and buying their evening groceries, groups of men playing basketball behind a school. Walking slowly, it took me about an hour to get home. It was quite a pleasant end to the day.

Before reaching my neighborhood, I walked back through the Kocatepe mosque. Kocatepe is located on a small hill in the middle of Ankara, and the open area in front of the entrance is slightly raised above the surrounding roads. I walked across this area on my way home, to get another look at the architecture and the view. As I passed under a small archway on the edge of the clearing, I began to hear the noise of Ankara evening traffic fade away. By the time I was standing in front of the mosque, I could barely distinguish the various sounds being made by the city. I took a few pictures and stood still for a while, enjoying the silence before climbing back down to the road.

Shopping should never be this stressful.

I went out with my host sisters and their aunt today to wander around and do some shopping in a different neighborhood of Ankara. Their aunt had said earlier that she wanted to buy me a present, but didn't know what I wanted - she was looking forward to buying whatever I picked out for myself during the day. So there was, from the beginning, pressure to buy something. And that's not usually a good thing. We started out in a few shops, filled mostly with Turkish fashion-clothing that, to be quite honest, I would never want to buy. As we looked around, all three of them kept asking me what I liked, and if I wanted to try something on. In broken Turkish, I explained that I just wanted to look, and that because everything was so new, it was hard for me to decide what I wanted right away. I didn't know how to explain that none of the clothes interested me, and the more I became frustrated, the harder it became to speak at all. I'd never really encountered this problem before.

Shopping is one of my favorite activities (unfortunately, for my wallet), and it's always been enjoyable, a way for me to relieve stress and try on new things. In France, language barriers hardly mattered when I went into stores, because I usually wanted to buy everything in sight, and in Germany or in the U.S., I've always been able to express myself without difficulty. It's awkward to be forced to consume, and to be unable to speak while shopping.

After about an hour of looking around, we went into a store that had a wide array of linen pants on display. I'd been wanting to buy a pair since I got here, hoping to replace my skinny jeans with something more climate-appropriate and comfortable, and was excited that I might find what I needed. It was taking me a while to pick out my size, as I was yet unfamiliar with the Turkish sizing scale (I think they have the same sizes in Italy?), so a salesman came over to help. The whole experience went downhill from there. I'm a very indecisive person, and I like to think a while before buying any article of clothing to make sure that it fits right and that I'll want to actually wear it more than once. My host sisters, their aunt, and a second salesperson then began asking me questions as I tried on pair after pair of pants. I didn't have the vocabulary to express my concerns with the fit of the pants, and as I stepped out of the dressing room each time to look at myself in the mirror, I was greeted not by my own reflection but by four pairs of curious eyes demanding to know which one I preferred.

At a certain point, I seemed to have narrowed it down to two pairs - one dark brown and one black. I wasn't sure that I wanted either of them, but I felt a distinct pressure to pick one as they kept asking, which will you get? One of the saleswomen spoke broken English, but it wasn't enough to help me at that point. I sort of hit a wall, the unfamiliar stress of the shopping experience somehow limiting my ability to communicate at all. My host sisters told me that they preferred the black pair, and so I eventually gave in and said I wanted them. I knew that they were slightly expensive, and tried to pay for them, but the aunt beat me to it. And so, on top of the worry that I had picked out something I may not even like, came the guilt of spending her money. We left the store, planning to walk down the road some more, but one of the apocalyptic dust-thunder storms we've been having lately started to pick up and we just grabbed a cab back to the apartment.

When we got home, I collapsed on the couch and tried to distract myself with homework. I haven't been very successful with that, but there are still a few hours left to finish what I have before I need to sleep. We've spent the rest of the evening in the living room - Buşra and I on our computers, Turkish soap operas on in the background (I can't understand what's going on yet, but the scenes seem to alternate between random and excessive make-out scenes, slapstick routines, and gun stand-offs). At dinnertime, I was still full from the mantı we had for lunch, but my host mom made crepes and I tried some of them with pekmez, or grape molasses. It was a very new flavor, something I don't encounter often. I told her that I love to cook, and she said she'll teach me how to prepare some more dishes before I leave. I'm looking forward to helping out more in the kitchen, and to bringing the recipes home with me.

Making mantı

I spent this morning making mantı, a sort of Turkish ravioli, with my host family. It's a very delicious and filling dish, but takes a lot of time and patience to prepare, as each ravioli is about the size of a dime.

I had barely finished breakfast when my host mother brought me into the kitchen to start mixing the meat filling and kneading the dough. The ingredients are very simple, but the whole process of preparing the dish took us a few hours. After I finished the dough, we split it into three pieces and began rolling out each one into a very thin circle. That circle was cut into square-inch pieces, and on each one we placed the tiniest amount of the filling (a mixture of parsley, onion, and ground meat). We then folded up each square into a four-cornered pocket and twisted it closed on top. After letting them dry, my host mother boiled them while we made the yogurt and tomato toppings. The yogurt is mixed with some water and garlic, and goes on the mantı under the tomato sauce, a combination of oil, water, tomato paste, and mint. We had frozen mantı the other night for dinner, and these fresh ones were much better. I'm hoping to make them once I get back to New York, if I can find the place in my kitchen and enough friends/slaves willing to help. Any volunteers?

The last few days have been pretty busy. As I mentioned before, on Thursday, our program took us around Ankara to see Ataturk's mausoleum, get some lunch, and visit the museum of Anatolian civilizations. The entire complex surrounding the mausoleum is gigantic, and our bus was even scanned for bombs as we drove in. Underneath the structure housing the symbolic tomb is the Ataturk museum and a museum of the Turkish War of Independence. To sum up what we learned, Ataturk was a badass with crazy-piercing eyes, and every Turk in the region rallied around him to fight off the Greeks and establish the Republic, under which they could govern themselves. The museum had a certain air of propaganda to it, but seemed pretty harmless. Although I particularly enjoyed some of the Ataturk quotes displayed in every section, such as "Writing the history is as important as making it. If the writer does not comply with the maker, the truth can aquire aspects that will confuse humanity." I think it was more than just the bad translation that got to me.

Yesterday, we were in class for most of the morning and early afternoon, and I spent the evening hanging out in the same neighborhood with other kids from the program. The TAA (Turkish American Association) hosted a barbeque on the 6th-floor garden rooftop, and we watched the sun set over Ankara while eating dinner. I spent most of today hanging around with my host family, catching up on emails, etc. I'm posting some more pictures on facebook, so check those out for a better idea of what I've been up to.

I'm starting to be able to have more complex interactions with my host family, but for some reason I still find the adults harder to understand than my host sisters. And I'm starting to appreciate the combination of Turkish class and the homestay a lot more. Although sitting in the classroom for five hours during the day is not ideal, it seems to be helping. I'm happy that I decided to learn Turkish, and I think I'm finally ok with not having a "legitimate" reason to have done so. I wanted to be able to speak the language, so I'm learning it. I don't know much more than that.

Some videos from Thursday Night

Here are some videos of my host sister and her friends, and of the live Turkish music playing in the bar.

So I just came home (at 1:30 am) to find out that Micheal Jackson (and Farrah Fawcett!) has/have died. I'm not sure if it's the shock from that news or the fact that I have to get up in five hours, but I don't think I'll write much tonight. Or sleep much for that matter, as I suddenly have Thriller stuck in my head.

We went to Ataturk's mausoleum and the museum of Anatolian civilizations today. After that, I met up with my host sister and her friend in the center of Ankara. We got some tea, went to a restaurant for gozleme (kind of like a Turkish quesadilla...?) and then joined a group of friends at a local bar for drinks. We were there for about four or so hours, hanging out, listening to music, and dancing. I think my Turkish improved a lot, and I'm pretty sure I bonded with my host sister. Could I be making Turkish friends..? We'll see.

I wanted to post some videos of the night to make up for the short post, but they're taking way too long to upload and I need my sleep. I'll try again in the morning.

Ben çok yorgunum

I'm going to try to write a short post today because I'm tired. I've been staying up pretty late with my host family every night, and somehow had forgotten how exhausting language classes are. Especially when you leave the classroom and then need to know even more than what you've been learning. I'm focusing most of my energy on listening comprehension at the moment, speaking pretty much only when communication is necessary. My progress has slowed down and I don't expect for it to really pick up for another few weeks. That's not to say that I won't be trying to learn or doing my homework, but just that I'm not too frustrated with my many shorcomings for the time being.

We were in class for about five hours today, and I'm not looking forward to the one full week of class coming up in July. For most of the summer, we have activities and trips planned so that we rarely have more than three consecutive days of five-hour classes. Tomorrow, for example, we'll be riding around Ankara in a private bus to visit all of the landmarks that the city has to offer. I'm happy to have that break. In the evening, my host sister is taking me out with some of her friends - I hope it will be more fun than awkward, but we'll see.

Turkish is starting to get into my head, and even though most of it is gibberish, I'm starting to understand a lot more of what my family is saying to me (and to each other for that matter). This evening was more difficult because I napped until seconds before dinner, and was still so tired at that point that I could barely even think in English. Later, I had an hour-long conversation with my grandmother in German, which is somehow hidden in a completely different part of my brain. I've never felt so confident speaking German, especially after being able to speak so little at dinner. (On an unrelated note, my grandmother and I decided that I'll probably have to fly back to the US from Ankara before heading back to Germany to see her about two days later. I had wanted to avoid two trans-Atlantic flights in a row, but it seems that group ticket restrictions and the price of one-ways have foiled my plans. This means that I'll most likely be in New York for a day or two mid-August, so if you'll be in the city let me know.)

Lastly, I should give a shout-out to Google for inspiring and facilitating my first pseudo-political discussion (or rather pseudo-discussion) with my host father, and for giving us something to bond over. While using Google chrome and Google translator (a new favorite of mine), we talked about how much we both like Google, and how Youtube is banned in Turkey. He explained that there had been anti-Ataturk videos on the site, and that insulting Ataturk can lead to a minimum of three years in prison. I knew that, and tried to demonstrate my familiarity with the founding father of the Republic through some simple sentences and head nodding. Then he equated insulting Ataturk with insulting Obama, and I tried to explain that while insulting Obama might offend some people, it's not punishable by law. I'm not sure if cultural differences or linguistic barriers got in the way, but I don't think he understood. I did teach him the word for internet browser though, and somehow I think Google has become a sort of cultural bridge in our interactions.

I love Turkish food

...and that's pretty much all I have on my mind right now. I just finished dinner, and almost wish that my host mother had force fed me more food like she did on my first night here. Even though most Turkish food seems to include only a select few ingredients (tomatoes, cucumbers, meat, potatoes, lemon, eggplant, lentils, bread, peppers, cheese, olives, spices ... I think that's almost it), there are far more ways to prepare it than I had ever imagined. It's all just so delicious.

We had class this morning at our new time (9am) and spent the afternoon meeting with representatives from ARIT (a Turkish-American research institute) and the American Embassy. The ambassador from the embassy was quite the nutjob, and I was slightly embarrassed when I found out that he had recieved two of his degrees from Columbia. He gave us a lecture on Turkish culture and politics, somehow ignoring key facts about the Ottoman empire as well as failing to distinguish between forms of national identites within Europe. He told us that all European countries based their identies on a shared culture and language, that they were all structured in the same way. This bothered me mostly because a large portion of my Comp Lit thesis focused on the difference between French and German national identities. It was painful to hear them lumped together as "European." He seemed to be excited about Turkey, though, and we managed to listen quietly while rolling our eyes at each other.

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging around Ankara with friends from the progam and a Turkish friend of a friend from back home. I'm looking forward to a quiet evening in the apartment with my host family, and maybe I'll even get to sleep before midnight tonight.

Tamam, Tamam

OK! All right! It's ok. I'm ok. I don't need anything else. I don't know how to say anything else on the subject so please stop asking questions. Tamam is a very useful word.

We had our first Turkish lesson today at the Turkish-American Association near the center of Ankara. My host father took me to "school," and even bought me a bottle of water and packet of kleenex on our way to the bus. I haven't been taken care of like this in a very long time (when I got home today, the new pyjamas had been folded on the bed along with my clean laundry), and it's a bit disorienting. Our class was short - we took an preliminary test, went over the answers (I think I would have scored a 60% at best, had it counted) and casually chatted with our instructor for about a half hour.

After eating a huge lunch (I had the Iskender, which was delicious) at Kebabistan, we spent the afternoon walking around Ankara to get a feel for the city and buy our Turkish cell phones and sim cards for the summer. I felt a bit awkward at first, walking around in such a big group of Americans, but I got over that pretty quickly. I'm trying this new thing where I just try to let things be as they are. It's very useful, actually, and surprisingly easy.

I bought my sim card and a new faux-moleskine notebook (to jot down Turkish vocab words as they come up) and left the group to wander around with one of the other girls from the program. We looked in some shops around the Kızılay area and walked up to Kocatepe, the largest mosque in Ankara. The mosque, which is similar in design to the Blue Mosque in Istanbul, is gorgeous, and there's an open space by the main entrance that overlooks a large portion of the city. We managed to find some long skirts and scarves to borrow, and we went inside to admire the tiling in silence.

I came home (relatively) early to hang out in the apartment for a while before eating dinner. I've spent the last part of the evening in the living room with my host family, typing this entry while watching Turkish soap operas, drinking cups of tea, and sharing my opinion on Swine Flu (Amerika'da skandal var mı?), which was, quite simply, Umurumda değil. Or rather, that I couldn't care less. And so I've found another thing to be happy about - I won't have to come across any swine in Turkey this summer!

Everything is tamam.

Awkward does not go away overnight...

...but it certainly gets better with time. I began my stay with my host-family in Ankara yesterday, after an exhausting trip from D.C. and an afternoon driving around the Turkish capitol. The last 24 hours have been great, and I'm pleased to say that I'm down to 90% linguistic-ly awkward in my interactions with the family.

The twelve of us participating in this progam arrived in Ankara yesterday with relatively no idea what was going on, and were happy to be greeted (in the oddly empty airport) by Neşe Devrim, our site coordinator, as we exited customs. We boarded a private bus together, and she took us to a cafe for some tea and snacks in order to give us our orientation materials. The snacks were good, although I only cared for water and a shower at that point.

We left the cafe and began to drive around Ankara, dropping each student off with his/her host family. It was a long drive, but I was able to see quite a bit of the city while bonding with some of the other kids in the program. I was the last to be picked up. My host mother, Huyla, came to get me along with my host sister Tuğba (21 yrs old) and one of her friends. I met Huyla's mother and her other daughter Büşra (13 yrs old) when we got to their apartment. They live pretty close to the center of Ankara, in a cute walk-up with nice views of the surrounding area. I can see the minarets of the Kocatepe mosque (the largest in the city) outside of my window. The evening was pretty short, as I desperately needed a shower and some sleep, but they managed to feed me large amounts of food, exhaust my limited knowlegdge of Turkish, and give me a cake. It was delicious. Here's a picture of me with Huyla, her mother, and Tuğba in their living room, with the cake:

This morning, I woke up pretty late and had breakfast with my host sisters. After that, we walked to the center of the city, met up with my host mother, and trekked out to Batıkent, a suburb of Ankara, for the day. I met a large portion of the extended family (including my host father) at Huyla's brother's house, where we spent most of the afternoon. We sat on the ground behind the house, eating food, drinking tea, and playing games to avoid the heat. Everyone was extremely welcoming, and we all worked together (with the help of a Turkish-English dictionary) so that I could maintain some level of conversation. One aunt gave me a new set of bright turquoise pyjamas (which I'm wearing now, much to the delight of my host family) and even my host mother's 5 year old niece started giving me bouquets of wild flowers as we had dinner on the way home this evening.

Before dinner, we went to one of the local malls to go bowling with the whole family. It was the first time in years that I had been bowling without making references to The Big Lebowski, and the employee somehow spelled my name Steapine on our score screen. I'm guessing that the ph must have thrown him off somehow. Next time I'll be sure to enunciate in Turkish - Step-hah-niye-. We'll see how that goes. I had a great time, though, and even won the second game we played. By the end of the day, I felt more comfortable with the whole family than I would have expected. I even think my Turkish improved. Here's a picture with most of the family, taken while we were eating:

On our way home, my host family and I stopped at a grocery store to buy some Efes beers for the evening. At first, my host mother took me to the beer section (which was very small - no surprise there) and asked what kind I would like. She pointed to the Miller Lite, asking, Would you like American beer? I didn't know how to say that it wasn't the best example of American beer, and that I'd rather try the local stuff, so I just shrugged my shoulders for a while until she understood. We got home, where I changed into the pyjamas. At first, I only put on the top part, pairing it with my old sweatpants, but I somehow confused my host mother with that act and she asked me what was wrong until I put on the matching pants. I was a bit skeptical of the outfit at first, but I've grown quite fond of it in the last few hours. I spent the evening hanging out with my host mother and Tuğba on the balcony, drinking beer and eating some of the leftover cake. Büşra was busy in the living room tagging me in all of the pictures she took today, so be sure to check those out on facebook before I de-tag too many. They complimented me on my Turkish (which came as a surprise, considering how off and awkward I've felt while speaking) and I managed to get out my first complex sentence of the day. (Amy if you're reading this, be proud! it was about you! ... my friend, the one who speaks turkish, .....)

For some reason, half the time that I've tried to speak Turkish today, Spanish has popped into my head. Suddenly I'm realizing how much more of that language is hidden in my brain than I had previously thought, but also how little I know either of the two. It's ironic, too, because my host family seems to think I actually speak Spanish as I didn't know the words for "just a little bit" when I first told them about it. I have a lot of progress to make this summer, but I'm excited.

Orientation

It's been a long day. After an early breakfast, we (the CLS groups headed to Turkey and Korea) stayed in the hotel for about 7 hours of straight information sessions, with topics ranging from professional opportunities (conclusion: I won't be joining the foreign service anytime soon) to program logistics and site details (I learned that Ankara is hot, boring, and landlocked, but we'll be traveling almost every weekend to make up for it), before getting shipped off to a local restaurant for our "kick-off dinner." I feel sufficiently oriented and ready to fly to Turkey tomorrow night.

Pre-departure

I'm going to Turkey!!

Now, as this is my first post, I feel somewhat obligated to contextualize my trip. Having just graduated from college, I'm avoiding the New York job market for a bit by spending two months in Ankara, Turkey this summer. I'll be taking intensive intermediate-level language classes on a State Department scholarship while participating in a home-stay as well as a number of "cultural activities" and "travel opportunities" also funded by American taxpayers. In theory I'll be using this "critical" language skill later on in order to help the USA in the international sphere, so I might end up paying y'all back in the larger sense.

For those of you (including most of my family members) who might be wondering, why Turkish?, I can't really tell you at the moment. I've been abstractly and inexplicably drawn to Turkey for quite some time, and decided on a whim to start taking Turkish after traveling around Turkey with my cousin two years ago. In a part of my undergraduate thesis, I explored the role of Turkish women in influencing recent changes in German politics, literature, and culture, and have since been plotting to move to Berlin to research the sizeable Turkish population established there. In short, I'm trying as hard as I can to prove that Turkish will be useful to me along the road. And I've managed to get the government to pay for my summer abroad. Not a bad deal.

I'm heading out to Washington, D.C. in a couple of days for a pre-departure orientation and requisite State Department-brainwashing before flying to Turkey on the 19th. I'll post some more at that point.

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Oh, and to avoid getting in trouble, I must remind you that this is not an official Department of State website. The views and information presented are my own, and do not represent the Department of State or the CLS program.